Past Vs. Present

This last week has been a little different than most weeks. This past week, my manager at work was let go which has created a rumor mill at work. Some of the rumors could be accurate and others were pretty far fetched. That's what happens when 100% of your coworkers are women! Lol. A few of the girls are pretty upset and worried but most are ready for the change of a new manager and general manager. To back up a little, I had been the manager for a few years but decided to step down due to stress created by upper management. Recently I regretted doing this because MY shop had gone from a growing salon to an unprofessional place I happened to work at. Prior to my manager being fired, I was thinking that I should reach out to the owner and ask if she would consider me in management again. I never did ask because it seemed strange to do that with a manager currently in place....and then this happened. Then I started thinking that I should apply for manager again. It would financially be a huge help and we definitely need that. Also, I was tired of seeing the shop that I worked so hard to improve, go down the tubes!! So, a girl I work with, mentioned my interest to the new GM and, guess what? Most likely, I will be the new manager!! All we have to wait for is approval from the owner! Neither me or the GM are worried about that because the owner told her that she really likes me.

The reason I even bring this up is that the last time I was manager, I ate HORRIBLY! I was tired a lot (from standing all day at work in this large body) so the thought of cooking was exhausting therefore I would go through a drive thru frequently. It was not a good time for my health! This time around, I have lost some weight, will continue to lose, and now have a program that allows me to lose weight quickly!! This time will be better!!

Anyway, about my weight loss......

The last time I posted I talked about my 8 week goal. I was wanting to lose 40 lbs by the 2 month mark. Well, guess what? I did it!! I have lost 43 lbs as of this morning and I am beyond ecstatic!! I can't remember the last time I lost this much weight and I know for a fact that I have never lost weight this quickly before. I feel that this program is LITERALLY a God sent program! In the past, I have tried many other programs and diet pills. Either they were too confusing, too restrictive, or I was just not ready. None of them taught me how to eat properly. I finally found something that is simple to understand and teaches me about my own body/mind and why I did the things I did in the past. It has given me a reality check and keeps me on task with a huge support system.

I believe that I also promised to post a comparison picture of my before and my current. Well, are you ready? Here we go....
Tell me what you think.

All Is Still Going Well

I think the last time I blogged, I was at the month mark. Well, I just hit my 7th week weigh in and I am still shrinking. I have lost a total of 36 lbs!! My goal for this week is to release 4 more pounds so I can officially hit the 40 lbs mark in 2 months!! I will definitely post comparison pictures next week. I am actually quite excited to show you my progress.

In the last few weeks I have started doing a walking/aerobic type exercise video. Supposedly when I do it, I have walked a mile. Today I tried the next level up, which was the 30 minute/2 mile walk. I thought I did pretty good but I didn't quite finish it. I did about 1 1/2 miles instead of 2. My neck is hurting tonight so now I'm wondering if somehow I did something to it when I exercised. Who knows? All I know is that I am proud of myself for hanging in there and not letting anything get in my way!!

I am considering becoming a health coach also. I have done so well with this and am still excited everyday about my progress, how can I not want to help others do the same? This program works!! I can't wait to watch the next 4 pounds come off this week. Keep your eye out for next weeks post because I am posting that comparison picture for all to see!!

The Incredible Shrinking Woman

To start off, last week I said that I was going to start exercising. Well, I didn't get any formal exercise in but I did try to make everyday things work for me. I tried to walk more when I went to the store and also used cleaning the house as exercise. I still felt that I was being active and that felt good. Getting into the habit of formal and structured exercise might be more challenging for me than I thought but I will get there.

I learned a lot this week about choice. I realized that prior to going on this program, that I gave into eating everything I wanted simply because I could. I kind of had the attitude that no one could tell me what I was allowed to have. I have discovered that ON this program I CHOOSE to NOT eat those things that I know are not good for me because now I think about my ultimate goal of health instead of instant gratification. I am doing so good and don't want to mess it up. The funny thing is that, although I still want some of those things I loved before (Mexican food, sugary treats, greasy fast foods, etc) I don't crave them anymore. I choose health over an early grave. I mean, that's basically the direction I was headed, right?

On more exciting news, I released more weight! I feel like I am the Incredible SHRINKING Women! Interestingly, earlier this week I weighed myself and didn't see much change on the scale. It made me a little bummed. Later that day I noticed that while I was working my pants keeps slipping down a little bit and I had to keep picking them back up! That was exciting!! I weighed myself again yesterday and I have gotten rid of  4 more pounds! That makes 24 pounds in 4 weeks!! Can you believe that? I can not wait to see what the rest of 2013 will bring as far as my weight goes!

I debated if I should post a 4 week comparison picture but I think that I will wait on that for a little while, only because with all the weight I have to lose, it's hard to see any change yet....as least it's hard for me to tell the difference. Anyway, I better get going now. Hope your week is as lovely as I expect mine to be! 

Oh, So Sweet!

Ok, this post here is going to be short but oh, so sweet! Last week I told you that I had lost a total of 13.4 pounds in the two weeks I have been on this program. Well, today was my week 3 weigh in and I hit the 20 pound mark! Oh....my....goodness! I am so excited! I don't know when the last time I lost that much weight was! I was telling my health coach that for the first time in my life I am excited to get on that scale because every time I do, the number is lower than the last! 

This program works! I have never before been more confident than I am right now about my weight loss. I know that this time I will succeed. Even more than succeed, I will have optimal health! Yeah! 

So, this week I am going to be starting to exercise a little. Kristy told me to start off slow so I think I will just do about 10 minutes at a time 3-4 days this week. Wish me luck! It's been a while since I did any "formal" exercise. I will update you on my progress in about a week or so! Have a great week everyone!

Well, it's about time!!

Oh my goodness! It has been a very long time since I have blogged. The sad thing is that not much has changed from my last posts UNTIL two weeks ago. Let me back up a tiny bit. When I shared my weight in one of my previous posts, I said I was 320 lbs. Well, I had gained even more weight, if you can believe that. I got up to 343 lbs. As you can imagine my parents have been concerned about my weight. We decided to get me some help.This blog is going to officially be used for my weight loss journey and not just my weight gain history.

This is me at my highest weight. I may be smiling but I'm dying inside! Especially after I saw the pictures of myself! I knew I was extremely overweight but I don't feel like I look like this until I see a picture. Ugh!!  I definitely need to release this weight! Time to get serious about this and make the change!!

I started this amazing and wonderful program on July 25, 2013. That is two weeks ago. I LOVE THIS PROGRAM! I have already lost 13.4 lbs! Now, I have a lot to lose so this is a small victory but a victory nonetheless! I am just so excited.
With this program you get a certified health coach included and mine is wonderful.

Kristy is an essential part of the program! She is there to answer any questions I have and support me on my journey. Along with that, I belong to a Facebook group for support, and there is a whole network of support available! I am also learning a lot about my own habits and how to turn my habits into habits of health instead of disease.

I am so happy and so excited for the changes I am making. I am excited to find the me I really am! Anyway, keep watching because I am going to keep posting about my successes on this wonderful journey!I will even add pictures as I go! Talk to you soon!!

You don't have to be rude

As I think about some of the things that people have said or NOT said to me, a few come to mind. I know that most people may not understand how these comments may hurt but for future reference, just know they do.

This past summer I took Vanessa to get new shoes at Famous Footwear. Innocent enough right? Well, let me tell you, there are many kinds of prejudices. We walked into the store and there was a female employee who was at the front of the store. She looked at us but didn't say a word. Now, I know what your thinking because, AT FIRST, I thought it too. But then a customer walked in behind us. She promptly greeted them and asked if she could help them. Another walked in a few minutes later....same friendly response. There were a good 5 customers after me and EVERY SINGLE ONE was greeted in that same friendly and helpful manner EXCEPT for me. Why? I wish I would have had the nerve to ask her but the only thing I could figure was I was the only big one. It stung a bit.

Sometimes I see people stare at me like I'm a freak. At restaurants I've caught other customers watch me eat as if I was going to put on a show for them. I know it sounds strange and like maybe I'm a little dramatic but when my husband also notices, I know its not just me being sensitive.

Something that people say to me that annoys me is, "You have such a pretty face." On the surface it doesn't sound mean. In fact, it sound nice but to a plus size girl it sounds almost like an insult. Let me explain. If I was thin, it would be phrased, "You are very pretty." When your overweight, people focus strictly on your face so when you're told you have a pretty face, you automatically hear,"You have a pretty face but you are fat." I know that sounds a little silly but that is how it feels.

All right, I guess that's it for today. I will try to sound more optimistic next time. These posts are making me sound so negative. I don't like that!! Lol

Next......

Ok, so it took me a while to get back on.  Oops, story of my life.  Anyway, I'm gonna just get back to where I was.....High School!!  So, last I wrote I was a very insecure teenager.  Yep, that's still true as I look back on those years but let me add in a few more things. Even though I was insecure about boys and my weight, I still tried to be involved with things.  I was in choir, softball, and a couple of musicals (all of which you had to audition/try out for).  I liked choir and the musicals but my real passion was always softball. 

I had played for as long as I can remember.  It was something I was very good at.  It seemed to come natural to me.  I played on the Freshman team (Freshman year of course) and Junior Varsity (Sophomore year).  Junior year I tried out again, hoping for Varsity, and I made J.V. AGAIN.  I remember trying to act like it was ok being the ONLY Junior on J.V. (after all, that would make me kinda like the leader of the pack) but I was heart broken.  I felt that I had done well at try outs.  The only thing I could think of was that I didn't have that softball "attitude" that many of the girls had.  I was too nice and not outgoing like they were so I didn't stand out enough even though I thought my size made me look tougher than those skinny girls.  I felt my softball dream was dying.....

Mid Junior year, a friend of mine told me about this course that we could take Senior year that would allow us to go to cosmetology school AND get high school credits at the same time.  Sounded great to me!!  When the school representative came, we went over and talked to her and got all of the information we needed.  My parents gave me permission and with a tour of the school and all the appropriate paperwork complete, I was to start cosmetology school about a month before Senior year started.  I was excited!!  This same friend who kinda talked me into this ended up backing out.  Thank goodness I found out that someone else I knew was going to be going also or I may have quit before I even got started also.

Senior year was busy.  Between high school, cosmetology school, church and softball (league, not school team) I was not home much but I was on my way to a career.  While getting my education in cosmetology, I met several interesting people.  When I say interesting, I should say not the best influences on me.  I made my parents worry like crazy.  I wasn't out doing completely crazy things, however, my whole attitude and the way I treated them changed.  I became very disrespectful and rude to them.  I was not me anymore.  The strange thing is that I wasn't that way to anyone else outside of my family. It was like I was taking my frustrations out on those who I knew would love me no matter what, and I was treated those who weren't worth my love and friendship, with more respect out of fear of losing them.  WHAT??  Is that typical or normal?  I don't know but what I do know now is that it was stupid and did nothing but damage my spirit.  If only I had realized then, the downward spiral I was taking....

Let's get back on the weight issues track.  While I was in cosmetology school, I made poor eating choices.  I was very busy so it was easier to eat the chips, cookies, pop, or whatever else was easily available at the school.  I didn't really notice a change in my weight during beauty school but that bad habit was created.  I do remember going to a weight loss place called Well 4 Life with my Mom after school on Mondays because that was the one day I had the afternoon free.  I know she meant well to take me there but if I'm going to be honest, it was hard being a teenager and going to a "weight loss clinic."  I felt even further from being normal because it was one more thing that made me different.  It didn't help that I had a client at the cosmetology school tell me that if I just lost some weight, I could have a fantastic career.  Yes, you read right.  Apparently my weight would either bring me clients or hinder my career.  Hmmm.....I thought it was how well I could do hair that would keep my clientele up.  Some people.

I graduated cosmetology school in February 1997.  I was one of the top requested students there and was very confident in my ability to do hair.  My first job was a poor choice for someone just starting out.  I worked at a place that was in a not so great neighborhood.  We shared our salon with a barber shop.  The barber shop side was always busy but the salon side was always slow because most people didn't realize we existed within this barber shop.  I actually cut some of the men's hair from the barber side because I LOVE men's cuts and since the barber shop was always busy, a few of the clients would let me so they didn't have to wait.  While at that job, I was taking the weigh loss prescription pills Phen Fen and had lost about 25 lbs.  I felt great but after hearing the bad things about it, I decided to stop taking it cold turkey.  Not my best idea.  I ended up shaking from WITHDRAWLS.  Oh geez!!  I had no idea my body was addicted to it.  Holy Can ole` and then the weight crept back on!

I bounced around from job to job and diet pill to diet pill never finding what it was I really needed to lose weight permanently.  I would lose some and gain it back and then eventually I ended up pregnant.  A bitter sweet time in my life.  I was excited about becoming a mom for sure but I was also very upset because I had chosen to take this step before marriage, something I never thought I would do throughout my life.  I had a strong testimony of the importance and value of marriage before starting a family and yet, somehow, I let my own beliefs fade from me.  I did marry shortly after I discovered I was pregnant. My husband is a good man and he means well, but we have very differing beliefs due to very different upbringings and religions.  It's a struggle but we are doing ok.  The reason I bring this up at all is because I feel that this time in my life (the pregnancy) contributed greatly to my weight.

When I was pregnant close to 12 years ago, I was really struggling with my self esteem.  Like I said in the last paragraph, I was excited to become a mom but I carried with me so much guilt.  My mom seemed to deal with it better than my dad.  She has had a family member go through the same thing so she understood it better, I think.  My dad, however, was very sad by my choice. EVERYTIME I saw him (for the first half of the pregnancy at least) his eyes were wet with tears.  I have never wanted to disappoint this man, and yet at this time, I had done the unthinkable.  I knew he still loved me.  I knew he would love my child, and I even knew he would love my soon to be husband but he struggling with the thought of my innocence lost and so was I.  What had I done?  I felt as though I had destroyed a family.  It wasn't true, I know. But I felt just that way.

During my pregnancy, I gained 70 lbs.  I, to this day, do not feel that I ate crazy or overdid it but I DID gain 70 lbs so somehow I really messed up.  I remember crying in the doctors office and the Nurse Practicioner said, "Pregnancy is supposed to be a happy time.  Don't waste it on all those tears.  Whatever weight you gained, can be lost."  In the moment, that sounded sweet and true.  When the moment passed I thought about the many times I had tried to lose weight and failed.  Pessimism was creeping in again.

After my beautiful 8 lb 7 ounce baby girl was born, I decided to lose the weight.  I got 20 lbs off pretty easily.  I don't know why, but that's as far as I got.  We decided to wait a couple of years before we tried for another baby.  That would also give me the time to lose this weight.  Well, those couple of years came and went.  11 years later, no weight was lost and no second pregnancy.  In fact, my weight has increased dramatically and the possibility of another baby has decreased significantly. My weight is so out of control.  My menstrual cycle is mostly non existant.  I have been tested for thyroid issues, diabetes, hypertension, and many other things that I can't even remember right now.  I have been told that my weight may play an issue in my lack of periods therefore, my lack of a second child.  What have I done?

Oh no...here it goes....At 320 (approximate) lbs, I now weigh more than many football players.  I struggle daily to get out of bed.  I am constantly tired.  At work, I stand all day to do hair.  My back hurts.  My feet hurt.  I snore so loud that I can't sleep in the same room as my husband or else I keep him up all night.  I get random rashes from the friction of my skin rubbing against my clothes or other skin (I know, probably TMI).  THE KILLER.....my daughter plays softball and I can not practice with her. I'm missing out on moments with her and she is missing them too because of me.  These are just a few of the ways my weight negatively impacts my life.  I need to lose weight desperately!! What's my problem?!?!?

Stay tuned later for more of Hello...Heidi?  Are You In There?